What if?

Just when I think I have my whole life set out, planned to perfection and steaming along at a steady pace I seem to sabotage that success by thinking too much. I don't mean thinking just for the sake of thinking but I start the often dangerous 'what if?' discussion in my head. Now, I realize that sometimes the 'what if' question remains as futile as it began but I really think that the process of thinking in terms of 'what if' can drive you to a new and exciting future.

This is basically a blog about what is (potentially) going to happen next in my SAHD world. I suppose it really began almost one year ago when I accidentally shaved my beard off! As stupid as it sounds the accidental shaving of the beard seems to have been a blessing in many ways. Firstly, it made me directly acknowledge the fact that I was clinically obese. I understand that some would not need a shaving accident to realize this obvious physical trait, but in my denial I chose to flagrantly ignore the obvious. The accident was in fact pretty silly as you can imagine. I was just trimming my beard when I sort of slipped and shaved a big chunk out of my goatee. Then, in my wisdom thought, I should just clean shave my face for the first time in about 10 years. What a mistake! I uncovered a fat, unrecognizable , almost middle aged man. I was devastated and swore that I needed to make a change, right there staring in the mirror. As luck would have it we were living in California at the time in a very nice apartment resort type place. This place was amazing and better than anything it had an awesome gym within walking distance from our apartment.

Now, I'm not about to blast on about weight-loss advice or any of that garbage, but I will say this. We all (I hope this is true) have a basic understanding of what it takes to stay (or get) healthy. Its not rocket science, eat sensible and exercise. It really is that simple. The whole "I've tried every diet and exercise program but they didn't work for me" thing is absolute crap. If you burn more calories than you put in, you will lose fat and therefore decrease your body fat percentage, hence healthier person. Too many times we are told to avoid using the word fat or being forced to use politically correct descriptions, because this is in my opinion part of the problem. We live in an obese-centric environment in the western world. We must face the problem, not hide behind kind words like 'heavy' or the always comical 'big-boned'.

Onto the 'what if' scenario. Since starting the journey to get healthy I have noticed that the world literally begins to open up. There are more things that I want to do with my life, things I want to see and achieve. The only problem now is that I have one of the most sedentary and socially constricting jobs around. I have to be at home all the time. My job is centered around the needs of a child and frankly now I have all this new found energy and an honest to goodness new lease on life and I want to use it! But I just don't know how. We, as parents, must look at what is best for the family unit. Right now what is best for my family is that I continue to stay at home. But the question now, is that whats best for me? Will it make Kasias life better if I'm always there and miserable or will it be better if I am seen to be doing all that I can but not around as much but ultimately happy? I don't know. There is a lot going right now in our analysis of the future. I'm not sure what I would be happy doing but 'what if' its something way out there, 'what if' I choose to put myself first.....I guess we will see.