I always will struggle with my inability to shut my mouth. I'm sure it gets old for everyone around me but no matter how much I try I just can't stop. I say this because I am really trying to avoid putting any of my verbal diarrhea on here. The funny thing is that it seems as if there are plenty of people out there who don't adhere to the same idea of self-censorship. I haven't really got a point to any of this but I guess it must be coming from somewhere. Oh yeah, I remember...its the way we seem to have a constant stream of 'right and wrong' advocates out there, especially when it comes to parenting.
So here we go....my take on childrens sleep patterns or lack there of! This is a huge deal as all you parents know, and to those of you that are not yet parents (or never want to be) its not as simple as you would think. It pretty much starts with your own idea of parenting in general. If you are someone that feels that a child needs to be 'trained' into behaviour you will undoubtedly disagree with everything that I have to say. The reason is that with sleep there are basically two ways to do it. First is to put the baby in a room on their own and let them cry until they go to sleep. The second is to comfort the child until he/she eventually goes to sleep. At this point I want to say that I have no problem with either technique, my issue is that others are determined to enforce their ideals upon me as a parent.
Hilery and I were blessed with a 'spirited' child who from day one has never really slept! Even on the way home from the hospital she was wide awake. At only days old she would routinely go 5-6 hours without sleep. So even as first time parents we knew we were going to have a rough time. The real problem came when we tried to do 'what the books said', we found that we just couldn't let her scream. She would scream for hours, puke, scream some more and in the end Hil and I decided that we didn't want to put her (or ourselves) through it. Now the argument is that this will only go on for a few days and then it will be better. Well, it never got better, after about 3 weeks with an hour sleep per night, we couldn't do it anymore. We kept her in her crib but would go to her if she cried, sit with her until she went to sleep and so on. This fun game went on for 7 months, finally we broke and our bed became and all in one deal. This was about the point that I decided to do some more reading on the subject.
The funniest things I discovered were from the 'old wisdom' of our forebears and they were nothing more than observations from personal experience and therefore amazingly subjective. There is no set plan for every child, or every parent for that matter. I was told (many, many times) that if you cuddle or 'baby' your child too much they will be clingy and nervous adults with no independence whatsoever. Apparently we were in fact 'spoiling' Kasia (I hate that phrase, always makes me think of spoiled or rotten food).
Well, case in point, me. I slept in my parents bed until I was five, I was the biggest mummy's boy you have ever seen (still am if I'm honest). Yet, I was the first in my family to go to University, I took part in international exchange programs and I topped it all off with leaving my family and friends and emigrating 5000 miles away to start my own family. Not bad for a clingy kid that was never supposed to leave his house let alone do anything else!
I guess what I am trying to say is that I would love to know what is so 'wrong' with your kid being in the bed with you and having a cuddle? Maybe it shows that we are not so economically flush that we can't afford at least two bedrooms circa 1840, no. Maybe its because we want to negatively effect all involved, er no. Or maybe its because we are doing the best we can and right now that means having a little munchkin, pee soaked nappy and all, in the family bed. Would I love it if Kasia was in her own room most of the time...yeah it would be awesome but at the same time we are now getting into a really nice routine with bed times at 8pm and waking up sometime in the daylight hours so really I can't complain. I just wish people would stop telling us that it is 'wrong' to have a family bed, because if it is so wrong then about 70% of the developing world are in fact doing it 'wrong', and maybe one day they will also hold in place the idea that sleeping baby=good parent and not sleeping baby=bad parent.
I could go on and on as most of you know, but frankly I have had a crappy day. Kasia won't eat, won't let go of me and basically is being a pickle so cheers to being parents and remember.......this too shall pass!
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