I said at the beginning of this blog that I wouldn't use it to spout on about politics or the rights and wrongs of the world and that I would stick to subjects pertaining directly to my life as a SAHD. The problem is that to understand something, we must first dissect it, so this is what I have been doing...kinda.
Now my subject for this dissection wasn't some hapless frog or whining feline (yeah I dissected at cat at college, weird!) it was, or is, the fact that I live in what is universally known as the 'Bible Belt'. Now for those of you that don't already know what the Bible Belt is: its an informal term for an area of the United States in which socially conservative evangelical Protestantism is a dominant part of the culture and Christian church attendance across the denominations is extremely high. Thanks wiki world! Now without better judgement I freely moved to this part of the country without really taking in to account all that this would entail. Of course, in Texas there are some of the nicest people I have ever met, and in fact life here is pretty awesome. The only thing is, I always feel like a fish out of water.
First off, I do not attend church. Second I have lots of tattoos. And third (perhaps the most controversial) I am a Stay-At-Home Dad. The first two of these are probably what make the third all the more difficult to swallow, but there you go. I did, however, think that I had an 'in'. I thought that being a smelly metal head, I would at least blend in with the Confederate Flag waving masses....alas I did not. Because even to the redneck population I am nothing more than a tea sipping, Queen adoring, Limey. This basically puts me in the 'nowhere' category. I can't find my niche, and worst of all, I'm not sure I ever really had one!
This blog entry has basically come from reading a book called: 'When Men Win Glory-the Odyssey of Pat Tillman'. Again, for those of you that don't know, Pat Tillman was a college football star who turned pro and was poised to become one of the best safeties in the NFL. However after the events of Sept 11 2001, he decided to enlist in the Army. But not just any faction of the Army, the Rangers (ever seen Black Hawk Down), an elite special forces unit with a relatively high mortality rate. Well, during his service in Afghanistan, he was shot and killed. This whole situation made worse because a.) he turned down a 3.6 million dollar contract when he enlisted b.) he was famous and his service was always going to be all over the news and finally c.) he was killed by friendly fire. Now the fact that he was killed by fratricide was really crappy but anyone who has served in the military knows that this happens (a lot!), the real vexation with this was that the Army lied about it. They used his death to cover up a lot of crap that was going on at the time. The government needed an American hero, so the Army gave them one.
Having read this book it came to my mind that Pat was an amazing person. His journal excerpts in the book showed how he was a thinker, a social activist and a family man. The problem with him in the eyes of the Army and the US government was the he was basically an Atheist. He believed in the now, he did not subscribe to an ideology based around ancient fables. He wanted to be the best person he could with the life he had, but couldn't accept the control of one omnipotent being. This was an issue after his death. The Army high ranking officers believed that his family were unable to 'handle' his death because in the Tillman's world 'when you die you are just worm dirt', the officer was suggesting that because they did not subscribe to his beliefs that their grief was somehow misplaced, that Pats life was in someway 'empty' because he was not a Christian.
It turns out that Pat had read the Bible, and the Koran, and the Odyssey, and the Iliad, and the Theravada, and Tantras etc etc. So I would not describe Pat as an Atheist. I would describe him as a man, who was Gnostic in his learnings. Why is it that Religions are 100% convinced that they have the 'right answers', why do they label the non-believer and people who question as automatically Atheists without ever engaging in intellectual conversation with them? I for one, don't know.
This is a whole huge, long winded way of saying that I have no idea how we are going to raise Kasia in regards to spiritualism, Hilery is a Christian, I am basically confused! So who knows. What I do know is that the longer I live in this 'Bible Belt' the more I understand world history. I see now why the people of the middle ages deemed a Crusade necessary. I see now why it is easier to live in a world of 'good/bad' instead of the always confusing grey area of understanding. I hope that I can give Kasia the tools to find out for herself what life is about, but more than that I hope that she realizes that having a loving family is a good bloody start...no matter what world view you end up with.
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