I thought that I may actually catch on fire.....

Today has been a good day. I'm a fan of these days, you know when you have a plan and you stick to it and all seems good with the world. The most amazing thing about today was that I went to church....but still had a good day!

Allow me to explain. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a church goer. I choose not to attend church because, frankly, I am not a Christian. Now, in the part of the world that I live that makes me an 'Atheist' but I'm not an Atheist....I'm just happen to not be a Christian (and no other religion for that matter). I went to a church today because a writer who I enjoy immensely was speaking at a friends church. The writers name is Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz (and six other good books), and he was giving a talk/speech as part of his book tour. If you haven't read his books, he is a guy who struggles with organised anything let alone religion. His narrative is free flowing and very deep, he memoirs his thoughts and opinions beautifully and I enjoy reading them, even though sometimes I don't hold those same views.

He is an interesting man because he grew up without a father. Not an isolated case I realise but he articulates his feelings towards parenthood and more specifically the role of the father in a way that everybody should hear. He is asked many times if he had the choice would he choose to have a Dad, he says that he finds it hard to say yes. He says this because living the way he has, has allowed him to become who he is, if he changed anything he would inadvertently change his current self. He has realized that growing up without a father has opened his eyes to the plight of so many young kids out there who have a need for a positive male role model.

He now runs The Mentoring Project. A program designed to help kids without this male role model, it is based on the Big Brother Big Sister idea but there is room for more than one program of that sort and he aims to fill that void. Now, where Donald Miller and I differ is with the issue of faith. Its a confusing subject for me and one that I have no intentions of going into in this blog. But I'm talking about this because I was trying to imagine what life Kasia would have without me. I know that there are millions of good kids working towards a positive life that have little in the way of fatherly protection and guidance but how important are us Dads?

When I got home today I had every intention of writing a scathing piece about the church that I went to. The thing is I don't really want to, I don't want to offend my friend who regularly attends and I just don't want to ramble on about the cynicism I hold so close to my heart. But I will say this, it was my first experience of a 'mega-church'. Now for those of you that are not American, these things are crazy! Back in England we have no such institutions...I mean we have Cathedrals and beautiful architecture but the churches over here are of another world. I walked into the building to see and indoor play arena for the kids, a coffee shop (yes, they charge money for snacks and coffee!) and all around me people filtered into an auditorium. The thing was, that room that held about 500 people was just one of many 'rooms', the one I was going to go into was for kids! And not all kids, just the K-5th grade ones. The daycare center was the nicest I have ever seen anywhere....not only a church...better than a bloody theme park! Anyway, after asking directions (yep, directions) my friend and I (another friend who does not attend this church) made our way to a different building to see the service....this place was huge! It was its own building that held thousands, I was absolutely shocked and amazed.

I also realise that this wasn't a particularly big 'mega-church', there are some that have 80,000 plus in attendance every Sunday! But for me it was just another example of why I am not a Christian in the modern sense. I cannot align myself with such blatant consumerist religion. I will say though, each to there own, and the work that the establishment does in the community and in numerous charities is commendable but it is clearly not for me. Even as nice as the daycare seems to be, I just cannot see me taking Kasia to a church of that size and lets be honest...its just a miracle I didn't burst into flames on the spot.....

Being a Dad is something which for me changes everyday. After listening to Mr Miller today, I sort of realise that us Dads have a responsibility to be the child's mentor. Not just an ATM or a disciplinarian, but someone who they can look to for guidance and just a shoulder to cry on...maybe even as a scapegoat for misplaced aggression. All these things that Dads can be, its just a shame that so many 'men' choose to neglect these responsibilities. I hope that I can help Kasia to become who she wants to be and not force her to adhere to some preconceived ideals that I may hold. I want to walk with her every step until one day shes ready to run all on her own.